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School Jokes |
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Q: Why did the D student take his report card to the beach? A: He wanted to get it above C level. Q: Why did Joe eat his homework? A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake. "John", the teacher asks, "what do you call a bear without an ear?" *** "Because of your absences", the teacher tells the student, "you've missed three tests this week.""No", the student replies, "I may not have taken three tests, but I didn't miss them at all." I like to sleep. That not only explains why I'm late to school, but my grades, too. I know a kid who has never been on time for anything. He was three when he was born. "Young lady", the teacher asks, "do you know what time we start school here in the morning?" "I'm afraid not, teacher. I've never been here for that." "John", the teacher asks, "what's the formula for water?" "H I J K L M N O. H to O." "Kate", the teacher says, "I wouldn't give you an A if you told me what is red and makes a 'meow' sound when you drop it." "Oh, but I know! Anything that's red and falls on a cat!" *** Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"*** "An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Can you give me an example of one?""Sure," a teenage boy replied. "My father's new car." *** Mike gets up, walks to the teacher and asks: "Would you punish a student for something he didn't do?""Of course, not!", the teacher answers. "That's fortunate", Mike says. "I didn't do my homework yesterday." *** An English teacher often wrote little notes on student essays. She was working late one night, and as the hours passed, her handwriting deteriorated. The next day a student came to her after class with his essay she had corrected."I can't make out this comment you wrote on my paper." The teacher took the paper, and after squinting at it for a minute, sheepishly replied, "It says that you need to write more legibly!" *** A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says "Here's a pill for English literature."The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature! "What else do you have?" asks the student. "Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?" The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a very large pill and plunks it on the counter. "I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student. The pharmacist replied "Well, you know ... math always was a little hard to swallow." |
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