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Puns

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Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 ate 9.

Q: What do you call an unemployed jester?
A: Nobody's fool.

Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses.

Q: Where does a detective sleep?
A: Under cover.

Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved.

Q: Why did the kayak burn when the eskimos tried to heat it?
A: Because you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it is two-tired.

Q: What do you call the identical scores of archers?
A: Bow ties.

***

A good pun is its own reword.

Energizer Bunny arrested yesterday - charged with battery.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Why is it that when we duck they call us chicken?

"Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog

Hard work spotlights character. Some people turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

***

"Did you drink your medicine after your bath?", a mother asks her son.
"No", he replies. "After I'd drunk my bath I didn't have room for the medicine".

***

"Mom," a kid asks his mother, "what are you cooking?"
"It's bean soup", she answers.
"I don't care what it's been. What is it now?"

***

A couple was fighting about the weather: the woman claimed it was raining, while the husband said it was snowing.
Rudolph the Red passed by and the woman asked for his opinion. Rudolph gave the verdict: it was raining.
'See?', the woman says. 'Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.'

***

Mother Tomato, Father Tomato and Tomato Son were walking on the street. The kid was constantly left behind so his father got mad, punched him and said: "Ketch up!"



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