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Mental Health Jokes |
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Sue was having a bad day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of complaining. *** How many dependent people does it take to change a lightbulb?None, they're still clinging to the old lightbulb. *** How many paranoids does it take to screw in a light bulb?Hey! are you following me?! *** How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?Just one, but it takes nine visits. *** Q: Why do psychiatrists give their patients shock treatment?A: To prepare them for the bill. *** A research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying: they got 3,000 responses about three days after the ad came out. All from the same person.*** A woman who was depressed went on a holiday and sent a postcard to her psychiatrist:"Having a great time. Why?" *** Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Michael,
how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" *** Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4 and 5. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a whispered voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press - nobody will answer anyway. If you are delusional, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is about to bite off your ear. *** What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?A psychologist pulls habits out of rats! *** The patients of a mental disease hospital decide to escape. They prepare a ladder just the right height to get them over the gate and wait until the evening. When it starts getting darker, they say goodbye to the ones left behind and head towards the gate, only to come back a few minutes later:"Our plans were ruined: the gate was open." *** Dear Mommy, |
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