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Marriage Jokes |
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When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. Men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering. Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute. All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he wants. A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item she does not want. A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. A psychiatrist is a person who will give you the expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. I had a few words with my wife. She had a few paragraphs with me. The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. The second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Love is promising you'd go through hell for someone else. Marriage is keeping the promise. *** A single man was getting older and once decided to write an advert: "Looking for a wife". He received hundreds of replies, mostly from men: "Take mine."*** She had a wedding to go to, and needed a wedding gift. 'Ah', she thought, 'I have that monogrammed silver tray from my wedding that I never use. I'll just take it to a silversmith and have him remove my monogram and put hers on it and I'll have one cheap wedding present.'So, she took it to the silversmith and asked him to remove her monogram and put the new one on. The silversmith took a look at the tray, shook his head and said, "Lady, I can't change the monogram. It's been done too many times before." *** "I have a bad headache. I think I'll visit the doctor.""Nonsense! I had a headache yesterday, I headed home, kissed my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?" "Good idea, call her and tell her I'll be right over." *** A man and his wife were giving each other the silent treatment.Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and let his wife win), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." *** A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"The father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it." *** The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist . . ."You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Yes" the mother answered. "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" she replied. |
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