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Doctor Jokes

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The evolution of medicine - A short history

"Doctor, I don't feel so well."
2000 B.C. "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. "That root is no good, say this prayer."
1850 "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940  "That potion is useless, swallow this pill."
1985  "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000  "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

***

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bell.
Well, just go home and if the feeling persists, give me a ring.

Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live.
Wait a minute, please.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible.
Who said that?!

Doctor, Doctor, I get the feeling that people don’t care about anything I say.
...So?

Doctor, doctor, whenever I drink juice I get a pain in my eye!
Try taking the straw out of the glass!

Doctor, doctor, what did the X-ray of my head show?
Nothing!

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later.

Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me.
What do you mean by that?

Doctor, doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound!
Try answering the phone!

Doctor, doctor, I think I need glasses!
I think so, too - this is a candy store!

Doctor, doctor, I broke my leg in four places!
Well, don't go back to any of them!

Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow.
Don't let people push you around.

Doctor, doctor, nobody believes a word I say.
Tell me the truth now, what's your real problem?

Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate, I keep forgetting!
And how long have you had this complaint?
What complaint?

Doctor, be honest: how much longer will I live?
10.
Years? Months? Days?!
9. 8. 7...

***

The old family physician, being away on vacation, entrusted his practice to his son - a recent medical student.
When the old man returned, the youngster told him among other things, that he cured Miss Ferguson, an aged and wealthy woman, of her chronic indigestion.
"My boy," said the old doctor, "I'm proud of you, but Miss Ferguson's indigestion is what put you through college."

***

Doctor, I’m terrible when I have to decide. Or am I?

***

"Doctor", a lady asks, "how much would I have to pay to remove my wrinkles?"
"3000$", the doctor answers.
"I'm afraid that is too much for me. Do you know any cheaper solution?"
"Yes. A thick veil."



Content and Images © Ina T unless mentioned otherwise


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