Once upon a time there was a young man who wanted to become a famous writer. "I want to write things the whole world will read," he declared. "Things that will create strong emotions from people every time they read them. I want my work to make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger."
His dream came true – he now writes error messages for Microsoft.

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A few of the new error messages that were taken under consideration during the development of the Windows XP operating system...

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One night, a plane was flying somewhere above the USA. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, The Dalai Lama, and a hippie.
Suddenly, an oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.
Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.
Dalai Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, Dalai Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you, you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."
The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out with my backpack."

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A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men each try to solve the problem.
The project manager tells the other: "Let's get a cab and in five minutes we'll reach our destination."
The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."
The computer operator decides: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."

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What does a programmer shout when he’s drowning?
F1!F1!

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If you can touch it and see it, it's real.
If you can touch it, but can't see it, it's transparent.
If you can't touch it, but you can see it, it's virtual.
If you can't touch it or see it, it's gone.

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Why Windows Is Not A Virus